This article details my thoughts on incels. I discuss the social phenomenon of incels, and the broader phenomenon of young men who are considered unattractive. I further make the argument that the way society treats these men is unacceptable. Finally, I will discuss my personal experience and philosophy on living a good life, in spite of these issues.

The word “Incel” refers to two related but distinct groups.

On the one hand, “Incel” is a portmanteau of the words “involuntarily celibate”. In the most literal definition of the term, this a person who desires sex, but is unable to have it. However, generally “celibate” is defined loosely - we really mean intimate romantic relationships, whether it is sexual or not. Let's be clear - everyone who desires this but hasn't had it is an incel, by definition.

On the other hand, “Incel” also refers to a group of men defined by a set of general ideologies, as well as the circumstance of being involuntarily celibate. There is no book of incel-dom, nor is there any real cultural focal point for them. This can really be attributed to the fact that the culture of incels has been formed online, which is by nature democratic, and is the manifestation of many people's personal interpretations of their life merged into one.

The relationship between the two “Incel”s is the same as the relationship between a people group and their culture. For example, “African-American” clearly refers to a people group that is defined by some unifying factors - people who are black and who live in America. However, there is also a culture that is unique to African-Americans. Like incels, there is no word for a person who is a part of “African-American Culture”¹⁾, despite the fact that there are African-Americans that do not.

For the purposes of this article, I will call people who part of the distinct group of men “cultural incels”, and I will call people who are just involuntarily celibate just “incels”.

Why are there so many male incels? Let me be very clear - there is such a thing as a female incel. This might seem strange to the seasoned internet veteran, but consider, for example, the body positivity movement. To a certain extent, isn't this movement a movement of women who are trying to build confidence in their bodies, due to a perceived lack of interest from men? Despite this, the data is clear - there's a ton of men that are not in a relationship.

To answer this, we must consider the nature of the sexual dyad and it's significance. Male sex cells, sperm, are very inexpensive and can be produced quickly. Female sex cells, eggs, however, are much more expensive, as they contain not only genetic information but also nourishment for the resulting embryo. This is true of all dyadic animals, though for mammals it requires even more of a time investment, because the embryo must be grown within the animal.

Now, the ultimate goal of both male and female is to produce as many offspring as possible. Therefore, the optimal male strategy is to impregnate as many females as possible without taking care of the baby. This is clearly a raw deal for the female, however, and the female therefore has the impetus to choose the mate with the highest fitness (to ensure a baby that can survive and reproduce) and who is most able to provide for the baby.

Now, what I have described is not a series of conscious decisions being made by Machiavellian actors but rather an evolutionary game stretching back eons over millions of generations.