This article details my thoughts on incels. I discuss the social phenomenon of incels, and the broader phenomenon of young men who are considered unattractive. I further make the argument that the way society treats these men is unacceptable. Finally, I will discuss my personal experience and philosophy on living a good life, in spite of these issues.

The word “Incel” refers to two related but distinct groups.

On the one hand, “Incel” is a portmanteau of the words “involuntarily celibate”. In the most literal definition of the term, this a person who desires sex, but is unable to have it. However, generally “celibate” is defined loosely - we really mean intimate romantic relationships, whether it is sexual or not. Let's be clear - everyone who desires this but hasn't had it is an incel, by definition.

On the other hand, “Incel” also refers to a group of men defined by a set of general ideologies, as well as the circumstance of being involuntarily celibate. There is no book of incel-dom, nor is there any real cultural focal point for them. This can really be attributed to the fact that the culture of incels has been formed online, which is by nature democratic, and is the manifestation of many people's personal interpretations of their life merged into one.

The relationship between the two “Incel”s is the same as the relationship between a people group and their culture. For example, “African-American” clearly refers to a people group that is defined by some unifying factors - people who are black and who live in America. However, there is also a culture that is unique to African-Americans. Like incels, there is no word for a person who is a part of “African-American Culture”¹⁾, despite the fact that there are African-Americans that do not.

This is important, because, as is the case with people groups, bigotry is sometimes directed at the wrong group. People hear the word “Incel” and immediately think of misogyny. However, misogyny is a tendency that is separate from the fact of being involuntarily celibate. Therefore, while it could be justifiable to assign moral value to being misogynistic, it is not justifiable to assign moral value to being an incel.